Bo'ness United 3 Musselburgh Athletic 0 - 20/12/2014

I took my girlfriend for her first visit to Newtown Park on Saturday - my spiritual footballing home. It was here I attended my first ever football match, when my Papa took my brother and I along on a fine summer evening roughly twenty-five years ago. I don't remember much about that game, other than that unforgettable first whiff of the Newtown Park toilets. The old brick toilets are still there today, the basic facilities unchanged (and most probably unwashed), apart from a relatively recent coat of blue paint on the outside of the building.

The mighty wooden grandstand sadly had to be taken down a few years ago. It was replaced by the rather plain blue roof in the picture.

It was a remarkably mild day for late December, and the pitch was in great shape for the time of year. There wasn't much between the teams in the first half, and after forty-five minutes it was still goalless. Despite the lack of goals, it was an entertaining enough match (although the old man behind me seemed to disagree, several times exclaiming 'schoolboy shite'). The Musselburgh number three took on the role of pantomime villain, throwing himself to the floor several times after fairly innocuous challenges from men at least a foot shorter than him. At one point a supporter with a head completely untroubled by hair shouted at the ref: 'Fucking typical ya baldy bastart!' No hair-loss solidarity on display here. We made for the pie stand shortly before half-time to beat the queue, and I opted for a sausage roll (sacrilege!) to accompany my customary bovril.

The half-time entertainment consisted, as always, of a man with a blackboard announcing the half-time raffle winners trudging around the pitch. No need for cheerleaders or rubbish music here! I didn't win, and indeed there were many cries of derision from the terraces around me as the blackboard came into view. 'It's two-seven-one A've goat, ye've goat yer numbers aw mixed up!' shouted one old man, to laughter from the crowd immediately around him.

View from the enclosure.

Bo'ness scored early in the second half from a free kick on the right wing. It was curled in left-footed, evading everyone before nestling in the far corner. The lead was doubled soon after, a corner finding a Bo'ness centre-half unmarked. 'Schoolboy shite', came the cry from behind me. In contrast to the evenly matched first-half, this was now shooting practice for Bo'ness. Musselburgh then had a man sent off for a second yellow card. He took his sending off in good spirits - throwing his shirt at the home bench and then volleying a door as he made his way to the changing rooms, to much jeering from the crowd. 

Before long it was three-nil, and soon after Musselburgh were down to nine men. As a Bo'ness forward rushed through he was taken down by the goalkeeper. The ball broke to a Bo'ness player who slotted it home, but the referee had already blown for the foul. The keeper was clearly impressed when his team-mate kicked the door on his way down the tunnel earlier in the game, so he decided to do the same thing. Musselburgh didn't have a sub goalie, so an outfield player had to go in goal. Unfortunately, Bo'ness didn't manage to test him in the few minutes remaining.

Overall a good afternoon's entertainment: three goals, two sending offs (with accompanying hissy-fits), and a man shouting 'schoolboy shite' as often as you could possibly like. All for the very reasonable price of five pounds!

Attendance: circa 360